Only 7 months to go…

After my high with the dancing, Thursday was a major crash back to the reality of life. Or more specifically, the joys of being a third year undergraduate who can’t fight her case when it comes to the most important part of her degree! Deep joy :/ Basically, cutting a long story short, I went to see my supervisor Thursday afternoon, and after a 45min wait outside his office finally went to discuss where I was so far. Or so I thought. However, within a matter of seconds it felt like the walls were folding in on me. I’m usually not one to feel claustrophobic, but with the stuffiness of his office, the low comfy chair, walls packed full of books and the feeling of being talked down to, even I was prone to feel about two inches tall! It got to the point where I wasn’t talking. I had given up fighting. I would nod and say ‘yes’ in the right places, as I was being told what to change my area of study to. It was all I could do not to break down there and then. Eventually I was able to leave, and headed straight back to my house, where I could shut out the world. Needless to say, I was upset. It more from the hurt of not feeling listened to, rather than the fact of changing the study itself. Having taken all my reading and research and questionnaires with me, on his request, for none to be so much as looked at!…well, not helpful :/

Today however, I have a plan. I am emailing the module coordinator and going to take it from there, hopefully getting a second opinion. I will keep you posted if anything comes of it 🙂

‘How can such a small time
Change so much?
How can it hurt in so many ways?
So many emotions
So many retorts
Appear across your eyes.

But none are spoken.
Your lips don’t move.
Silence takes hold of every sense
Blocking out the pain.

In the blink of an eye
So much work down the drain.
A throwaway comment
So easy to make,
Such a profound effect.

You didn’t care.
You didn’t bother to listen.
You didn’t even bother to look.
I don’t ask for much
But some support would be nice.

I’ve never felt so small.
An insignificant speck
In a world full of noise.
Lost amongst the high and mighty.
Worthless to those who matter.

I didn’t expect miracles.
I never expected an easy ride.
But to be knocked down
Then trodden on and crushed?
Surely I’m better than that?

Don’t treat me like a child.
Don’t act like I won’t mind.
Don’t trample my dreams and plans
Like they are crisp autumn leaves.
All I asked for was advice.

This isn’t the end.
I won’t give up hope.
I still believe I am worthwhile.
I will show you.
I will succeed.

(Oct 2011) – Written last night, after I had calmed down a bit from Thursday’s meeting and had a plan 😛

Sorry this is such a gloomy post…I did have a slightly more interesting post planned…but you can’t predict what will come up in the meantime! I might post again sooner than usual, just to cheer it up a bit 🙂 I hope anyone else struggling with their final year has better luck than I am having so far!!

‘The best advice is this:  Don’t take advice and don’t give advice.’  ~Author Unknown 


About awishisarainbow

I have recently finished my degree in Linguistics, and now living back in Mid Wales facing the real world. I love to travel and take photographs. However, I spend more time making clothes and jewellery, and just generally filling my wardrobe with all the colours of the rainbow!!
This entry was posted in Poetry and Prose, Random Ramblings. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Only 7 months to go…

  1. yeeeeed says:

    It’ll be worth it in the end…repeat after me, it’ll be worth it in the end…this is what I keep telling myself!!!

  2. “Everything will be alright in the end, if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.”

  3. God Nostrils says:

    Oh Liza… I’m glad you’re feeling a little more positive 🙂 You will do brilliantly at whatever you end up writing on, I’m sure of it!

  4. Pingback: Then & Now | A Wish is a Rainbow

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