Looking back through my last few posts I realised I don’t often finish what I start! A while ago I was doing life’s snapshots from birth to now, and stopped somewhere in the middle. The photo challenge…I took the pictures and put them on my Facebook, but only got up to Day 18 on here. Then, I started a trip down memory lane for last year, stopped at June and never carried it on! I’m a bit too much of a grasshopper at times! All through my childhood my Grandma said that about me…I would start a craft project, be really excited and enthusiastic about it, and then never finish it. Invariably I would get bored and the novelty would wear off. Many times I have rediscovered something many years later, start it again, and then get bored again, or even sometimes finish it! But usually, if I do finish it, the need for making it has long since passed. For example, about 8 years ago I got a latch hook kit with a whale on it that I was going to make for my Grandmother. I started it…sat for hours on the living room floor working away. But then my finger went raw from the constant friction between the wool and the mat itself. So I stopped. I don’t think I’ve had it out of the pack since! And now, my Grandparents have moved to a house where there isn’t really any room for rugs, especially not in the bathroom where it was planned for. So now I have a half done rug with no purpose. It’ll probably still be there in another 8 years!!
I never believed my Grandma when she said I was like this. I used to finish small projects just to prove her wrong, but then would fall back into old ways. More recently I thought I had broken this trend…I started Dress Making and made various items, I made Macramé bracelets, I started painting again….I even learnt to knit and crochet and have made things using those mediums. However, just because my hands on crafts are getting done, doesn’t mean that all aspects are equally successful! I find it really difficult to make myself sit down and do serious work on assignments until my back is well and truly up against a wall. Even if I find the subject really really interesting, the actual typing up is always a chore. I envy people who enjoy working, enjoy research, enjoy writing even! I love writing poetry, I write my diary, but even that becomes a chore after a while. I just have no decent attention span! That follows with my blog…last year it was quite successful – I had regular readers, lovely comments and I felt that my posts were found interesting. Then I got stuck in a rut and either posted the same things, or not at all. Then I tried to spice it up a bit and seemed to get even less joy. I wanted to get back to what this blog was all about initially – a chance to show outfits like WLW, but also a chance to discuss ideas and less trivial things. I started to give readers an insight into ‘me’ through the posts described at the start…but I never finished them. I never succeeded in tying up ends. This is probably one if the main issues with this blog…it doesn’t flow, it isn’t coherent, and it doesn’t seem to have a purpose.
I want to change this. For once in my life I want to feel like I can complete things, however trivial they are. Yes I have got good exam results and brilliant GCSEs and A Levels, but I know that I could have put more into them. I didn’t revise to my full extent. I always lose interest in things. That grasshopper always takes over. Now I need to push past it…I have important assignments coming up this semester that will require a lot of hard work, dedicated work, and I am determined that I will put as much into them as possible. I have already started this with my Interim Dissertation submission….I really feel like a lot of myself went into that assignment, and that I have done all I can to make it the best it could be. Whatever mark I get will be a true representation of what I deserve, whatever that may be!
So, as January comes to an end, I’m going to make a few New Month’s Resolutions – finish and tie up the ends of the unfinished blog ideas, rediscover my enthusiasm for my dance classes, especially those I teach, and work as hard as I possibly can. I don’t want to be sitting around doing nothing will piles of work to do, it makes me feel so guilty. If I can’t concentrate on the work I should be doing, I’ll take a break and do something creative and productive such as choreography, dress making, knitting or similar. I won’t get drawn into the cycle of ‘do it later’ then ‘I’ve got too much to do so I won’t do any of it’. That gets me nowhere.
Sorry for this being somewhat of a ‘thinking aloud’ post…but sometimes it’s easier to have it in print to refer back to, and also for others to have read the same. So, if I start falling back into bad habits…remind me of this post!
‘Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.’ ~William James