Decisions. Anyone who knows me will tell you, I HATE decisions. Especially when I have to decide between two equally good or two equally bad things. Even a simple thing such as deciding what to have for lunch can stump me, so anything major has no chance! If I go to someone’s house and they ask me what I want to eat or drink, I find it almost impossible to choose. Partly, this I think is to do with not wanting to say the wrong thing or seem silly. I can be quite a self conscious person and the last thing I want to do is appear stupid in front of anyone, let alone a friend. So my way of coping with that is to try and stay flexible and get everyone else to make decisions. However, not everything can be left to someone else.
Dance. As always, I have a lot of dance related things to sort out and to remember. In my head, everything worked out perfectly for this semester – a Gala tomorrow, Evening of the Arts on 3rd March, Clwb Cabaret on 7th March, Inter-Welsh 17th March, then Summer Show Friday 13th April in the evening and Saturday 14th in the afternoon, followed by Hafla in Wrexham in the evening. Busy, and maybe tight fitting it all in with rehearsals as well, but possible. HOWEVER, I recently discovered that the Saturday show is in fact in the evening of the 14th. This clashes majorly with the Hafla. There is no getting round the fact that it is one or the other. Head versus heart.
On the one hand, the Hafla is a wonderful opportunity to see other belly dancers – their styles, their choreography, their costumes – and to discuss the form of dance that I love. I would get to perform with my Bangor girls in front of other belly dancers, let them see what they have achieved. I would be able to dance with my Mum in public for a proper performance, something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Basically, I have been looking forward to it since I found out about it at Christmas. I requested three slots (us, me and Mum, and Mum’s class) and was excited to hear they were booked. I had planned costumes, and organised transport and had hyped it up with the class. Now it won’t work.
Many of the class are involved in other dances within BU Dance and their loyalty is to that. I understand this completely! In fact it is that exact reason I am finding it so difficult to decide what to do! If I was only doing Belly Dancing in the Summer Show then I wouldn’t hesitate in going to the Hafla, even if I went on my own. Ok, my class might not perform, but I would still get to dance with Mum, and enjoy the rest of the performances. However, I AM in other dances. I can still do the Friday night, and I really realised that by only doing one night I could mess people around. That is the last thing I would ever want to do. Latin & Ballroom. I am supposed to be one of the teachers! I can’t just leave one night! Also, it is partner dance…that’s not fair on my partner, whoever that may be. Ballet would pose similar problems. Much of dance is choreographed for a group. Not a bunch of individual dancers, but a coherent, interactive group. I don’t want to put the teacher in a position where either she has to tell me not to do it at all, or she has to work it so that it isn’t a problem having different numbers each night. Lastly, Irish. This is where my main issue lies. This is where I know I would feel really guilty to leave them in the lurch. Irish relies so much on patterns, partners, strength of working together as a team…it just wouldn’t be fair to swap round. Yes, there could be the chance of someone stepping in to do my bit on the Saturday if necessary, but only really in soft shoe. When it comes to hard shoe, I know that there is more importance for me to be there. It’s not so easy to fill a gap. Added to that, I really want to do it!! I love Irish Dancing, especially now I feel like I can actually DO it 😛 This is more for hard shoe – last year I felt like I was making it up to try and look right. This year I am more confident, I have my own shoes and I enjoy the challenge of it. To only get to do one performance would be quite sad. But it would mean not going to Wrexham.
This is why it is head versus heart. My head says stay in Bangor and do the show. Don’t let so many people down and waste the opportunity to do six types of dance in one performance. However, my heart says go to Wrexham, dance with Mum and immerse myself in the world of belly dancing. More and more I am starting to believe my head, and this upsets me. I know deep down I should do the show, but I can’t quite let go of the Hafla, not just yet. I need to let people know asap so they can work one way or the other, or cancel my slot at the Hafla. Hopefully, I won’t regret my decision, whichever way it goes.
‘Some persons are very decisive when it comes to avoiding decisions.’ ~Brendan Francis
‘The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.’ ~David Russell