I’ve been reading the above named book by Cecelia Ahern recently, and realised that I really need to get a grip on my life. I mean, yes, I love being at home with family, I have great friends who I get to chat to as and when they are free, I can do all the creative things I want do…but what am I really doing? What is my real purpose in life at this moment in time? Whose life am I living at the moment? Not mine, that’s for sure!
I’m not saying I want to go out to work. If I could be happy never going to a job everyday, then believe me I would, but that’s just not realistic. I need some focus, something to say I’ve achieved since Uni, because as it stands, what have I achieved? I am no further forward in my life now than I was a year ago. And what makes that worse, is that I know it is completely my own fault. I haven’t even passed my driving test yet! My plan a year ago was to learn to drive, get a job and then live life. All by the time I was 22. Ye, well that was never going to happen, was it?! I haven’t even achieved one of those! Ok, I know I’m not 22 yet, but the way this year is disappearing that won’t be too far away.
So what can I do? I don’t know. This is the problem. Pass my driving test. That’s a good start. But I lack enthusiasm, and confidence. Especially in my Mum’s car. So even if I pass (which I WILL….be positive Liza!) I don’t really look forward to the prospect of using the Panda. Get my own car you say? Well, that’s expensive. I don’t like spending money. Not huge sums anyway. Plus, the money has to come from somewhere. I’m not without cash at the moment, but that is a huge outlay that only costs more and more as time goes by. Then I would need a job. Ok, fine, but doing what? This is my biggest dilemma. I graduated with Linguistics, but can’t actually see myself doing anything that directly relates to that. Do I want to teach? Not really. Do I want to be a speech therapist? Not anymore. Do I want to do research or study further? Not a chance! So, something else. But what? And where? Do I need to bite the bullet and move away from home? I fear the answer is yes, and for me to really find me I need to stretch those metaphorical apron strings further than Bangor. That thought petrifies me. I’m scared at the idea of catching a bus in a foreign country, let alone moving away from home and being completely responsible for my own life.
But I do need to do something, because at the moment I have so much ‘free’ time, I don’t get anything done! That saying of ‘If you want something done ask a busy woman’…well, I am the opposite. I never finish projects, I never start most of them! I sit around waiting for my friends to find a gap in their busy lives to talk to me. I get jealous of people who can go for a day out shopping with friends, who can have a film night, who look forward to weekends because they have time to do what they really want, rather than it being another two days to fill. My parents being away the past week or so has really opened my eyes to the fact they are my life. I go through the motions of feeding the animals, mindlessly putting pieces in a jigsaw, devouring a book in a few days, cooking lunch and then sitting looking at facebook and playing minesweeper. Honestly, that is all I do. The highlights of last week? An hour belly dancing 2 miles away, and going to Aldi. Sad isn’t it?
The point of this post is not for anyone to feel sorry for me. It’s not really even for anyone to tell me to get a grip, or ironically, get a life! I already know that much. The point is really for me to identify to myself, with witnesses, that I need to stand up and do something. That where I am at the moment is not satisfactory. I live with my parents, have no job, have no income, can’t drive, live in the middle of nowhere, have one friend within a 20 miles radius and am lazy. I could change those things. And I alone can change those things.
”Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” ~ Sai Baba